Gumball the Gay
by TheFlyingKoala
Summary: So here I am in hell forced to drag it out. Why was I doing this again? Oh yah, if I didn't, I'd die a virgin. So I stared at it face to face. "So...Gumball of the Gays," I muttered quietly.
1. Chapter 1

I was in the depths of hell. I was facing deaths itself, the gay bastard. He wasn't worth a fraction of my presence. That low life should have been trapped on earth with the rest of them homofobes. I pushed him out of the cage as he screamed in his girlish scream like sassyfaggotvoiceass a.k.a Justin Beaver.

I cursed myself. The only reason I was here was because the god damn gay sparkly vampires were declaring war on us. The stupid sparkling fairies. My general had order me to grab Gumball out of hell and take him up to rape them. And believe me, I wouldn't have done it, if I hadn't been threatened to be condemned a virgin for eternity.

I punched him to the ground, knocking him out. That should shut him up until I got home.

_ Two hours after the shit. _

I thought he was knocked out, but I soon found him groping me. As I carried him on my back, I took his arm and slung him over a ledge. I held onto him and said, "If you do that again, I'll kill you even if it means the death of me!"

He said, "I'm sorry ma'm. I won't do it again." He mumbled his crazy Fiona song, and I slapped him.

"Now shut the fuck up before I blow your penis off."

He sealed his lips.

For five seconds, it was the most beautiful fine second of life, seeing his eye bloody and him grasping his crotch after I kicked his tallywacker off the face of hell, and into heaven for eternity. "Now come on shit bag, let's get outta here."

Finally, we got home and I slit his neck. He was bleeding, but not dead sadly. I shoved into a cage with no condoms, and I put a rapid peace of shit that looked like Justin Beaver in there. I prayed to the gods that he would die by morning, but he couldn't because he had to rape Edward Cullen.

Then when he was done fucking the shit sadly, I placed Justin in there for my enjoyment and watched the gay asses make love. It wasn't pretty. They both moaned and fucked each other like two fucking machine guns. No cum came out of their prepubecenet dicks. And I thank the gods that Justin Beaver lost his sad gay ass virginity to a bitch called Gumball.

After I was done with my beauty sleep, though I'm not sure how I did that with them moaning the whole fucking night, I hauled Gumball out of his cage, while Justin begged me to keep him in.

"Go fuck yourself," I spat venomously.

Justin Beaver growled and bit my finger.

I snapped and threw him onto the ground. I grabbed a knife and stabbed his tiny vagina to shreds. It was beautiful. His blood splattered everywhere and when his entire stomach ripped open, I realized he had no sperms or eggs.

"Such a waste of sex." I scowled and threw the knife down. They could just fuck themselves in hell. Maybe when I got home, I'd send them a cucumber package.

Gumball stayed silent for the rest of trip luckily, and I was in the best mood you can be with him on your back.

I eventually made it back to my home, and my general smiled at my success.

"Fantastic job! I already captured that bitch Edward, so you can just go in the back and throw Gumball in."

I nodded and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. I eventually made it to the back room and threw him inside. Gumball suddenly leaped forward and grabbed Edward. He threw all his clothes and at first Edward struggled.

A minute later, he moaned and started fondling Gumball right back. They licked each other and rubbed themselves. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. But fuck man, it was terrible.

There was no dominance. At first it was just Gumball doing all the work, but now they were just like statues. They were lying on top of each other without doing a single goddamn thing. What a waste of virgins.

Now what happens next will only be read by the incredibly idiotic. In other words, only read this if you are bored or aching to read about cunt ass hobos.

Suddenly, Justin Beaver burst in the room. It was a terrible sight to behold, since he actually seemed attracted and turned on by the scene.

"I wanna join!" he screamed like a little girl.

So it became a threeway of cunt ass sparkly fairy, guy who thinks he can sing, and Gumball of the gays.

At that point I fell down, blinded. I barely got out of it alive.

Now what killed me.

Neil Pattrick Harris burst in the room wearing a Justin Beaver shirt. I died. I fucking just died. I am writing this in hell by the way. Neil was there to see JB. Justin welcomed him and they somehow managed to have a four way.

I fell on my back dead, and my general came in. He shook his head. "Poor kid," he muttered. "Should have just threw him in and left as soon as possible."

He reached into my pocket and took my wallet. "Oh well. I needed the money."

So here I am hell plotting my revenge. My revenge against the general, Justin Beaver, Neil Patrick Harris, and Gumball of the gays. Screw them all.


	2. Chapter 2

I was in hell. The fire burned around me. Yet there was no warmth.

The General came through to me, somehow. I don't know.

"Kid do you hear me?" He asked.

"Fuck yes I do. What do you want dumb ass?"

"How dare you talk to your General like that! You're lucky that you're dead or I'd kill you."

"Sorry, what the hell do you need now?"

"Get Gumbutt out again."

"Now tell me, why the hell would I do that!"

"Cause if you do, you'll become immortal."

"Fiiiiiiinnnnnee. But, if I die on the way you are to make sure he stays away from me."

"I can't promise anything."

"I'll drag you here with me if I die."

"Poor kid, she's going to die. She doesn't stand a chance," he whispered.

"I cant still here you! Go fuck your self."

(To Gumball's unreachable layer *his fucking gay bedroom of the holy color pink.*)

I kicked his door down and I pointed my gone to his face.

"The gun, it's so larger, so very large." He whispered in his high-pitched gay voice.

"Say one more thing and I'll shoot."

"So large."

I pulled the trigger. Sadly, his stick of gum of a brain absorbed the bullet.

Then, he took my gun and started fondling it gently.

I felt kind of sad for the guy. He's been deprived of porn for so very long.

Then it came to me. I showed him a picture of Edward the Fairy and he fainted.

I carried him in my arms along a long coal road.

My hands felt dirty. And not the good kind of dirty. It was the kind of dirty that if you didn't wash your hands till the bled you would kill yourself.

"Edward." He moaned out in his sleep.

At that point I couldn't take it anymore.

I threw him over the ledge into the pit of fire.

He ended up shooting out of there, screaming like a girl.

"One more sound of your mouth and I swear on the unholy bible that I'll peanut butter jelly smack you."

Peanut butter was the enemy of Gumball.

So soon as I said that he shut up. . . for five fucking minutes.

He ended up mounting me screaming.

"GIVE ME A PIGGY BACK!"

"GET YOUR GAY ASS OFF OF ME BEFORE I SET IT ON FIRE." I screamed.

"Fine." He said.

Then the annoying words came. . .

"Whenarewegoingtogetthere!"

"God damn it. Do you know how to shut up?"

"Fuck no." He said. And I nearly fainted. How the hell did hell know how to swear?

"Don't make me stick a cucumber in you."

He smiled pervertedly and I had it coming. "Oh I would like that."

"Oh go hump a tree."

"There are none in hell."

"Shakliaka! Don't make me gah! I'm fucking running out of threats."

Ten minutes after my break down…

I was the one being dragged.

Gumball tied me up and was dragging me to the World.

Who would have known I would end up in Gumball's place?

And then I couldn't take it.

"YOU GAY CUNT AS I HAVE THE MOTHER FUCKING MOMMA SAY MOMMA SEE HOTTY DIGGITY DOGGITY POWER! DON'T MAKE ME USE IT. CAUSE IF I DO YOU WILL DIE. AND YOU WILL NEVER GET TO SEE JUSTIN

BEIBER. OR EDWARD EVER. I DO MEAN NEVER."

"Never?" he asked weakly.

"FUCKING NEVER!"

And then he threw himself into the lava.

I caught him, put a chain on his leg and made him hang over the edge.

I dragged him all the way to the World.

Where sadly the portal was now Neil Patrick Harris's house. The gayest place on earth.


	3. Chapter 3

The real met the unnatural.

The unholy met the untouchable.

This is the obscenely insane.

In fact it was so obscene I pointed a gun at my face.

But gumball's weak heart wouldn't allow it.

I rather would have been in hell.

But no I was in the room with all of the gayest sex toy's I've ever scene.

And then Gumball started singing . . .

"On the days I can't see your eyes,

I don't even want to, open mine.

On the days I can't see your smile,

Well I'd rather sit, wait the while.

For the days I know you'll be near,

'Cause a day without you, it just isn't fair.

See the days I can hear you voice,

I'm left without a choice.

'Cause I get weak in the knees,

Fall head over heels baby,

And every other cheesy cliché.

Yes I'm swept off my feet,

Oh my heart skips a beat.

But there's really only one thing to say.

God damn, you're beautiful to me,

You're everything, yeah that's beautiful

Yes to me, Ohhh"

I stopped him there his voice nearly killed me.

"I'm not a man."

He looked at me and smiled. "I know."

"Fuck."

He was hitting on me now. How high am I? Man I must have mixed in some bad mushrooms when I ate earlier.

He opened his mouth but luckily I stopped him. "Let's get out of here before we get caught."

He nodded. And he followed right behind me. It was too close.

But, I'll kill him later.

He started groping my ass as we walked.

And then the most beautiful thing came into sight.

The mother-fucking door to sanity.

But Gumball had to trip on my feet. And then I heard Neil's gay voice.

"Who's here? Honey did you get home early."

And then I did the most idiotic thing. "Hell no dumbass, don't make me kill you." I said.

"Who's here? I'm not strong enough to fend off any attack."

And then he was there. And he stared at Gumball.

"Didn't I do your voice a while ago?" Neil said.

"Why yes you did. Wow I love this voice, don't you?" said Gumball.

"Hell yah I do."

"Well, I find it annoying." I said.

Then Gumball and Neil seemed to hit it off.

They were like the perfect for each other and it sickened me.

How the hell did he go from hitting on me to going to that gay ass? I'm like so much hotter!


	4. Chapter 4

I pointed my gun at Neil. It took me five seconds.

Five: He winced.

Four: I said, "Don't run."

Three: "Don't" he squealed.

Two: He turned around in a gay like spinning matter.

One: Dead. He died as a waste of sex.

And after that Gumball started crying. Cunt ass gayest tears I've ever seen.

And then I kicked his ass to next week.

Next week. . .

I found him on the ground somewhere in Virginia.

Two things happened.

One. He got up when he saw me, and hugged me. Sadly I didn't push him off.

Two.

He dared to say the worst thing that could possibly be said. "I got over him."

I hung my head in shame. "Dammit." I whispered under my breath. He's going to go after me.

And seven and a half goddamn minutes later he did.

He started serenading me.

"The way she kissed was so misleading

I thought that she might stay, but then she went away

Before I close the chapter to your name

There's a couple things I never got to say

Your eyes are wonderful and your smile is too

Your laugh's contagious and your heart is true

There's beauty in your touch, and your kiss is love

You're everything that every guy dreams of

You're everything that makes one fall in love"

And then I thought to myself. So sweet. But fuck, I loved Marshall Lee. Why did he ruin that for me?

He put his hands on my ass and said, "I love you."

And I couldn't help but say, "Where this hell did your gay ass personality go!"

Then he said something I wished he didn't say. "You stole my heart, and my gayness disappeared."

I fucking blushed! Why the hell did I do that?

And then I was on a black flying unicorn.

He kissed me.

Fire works shown.

And the tears started to fall. I don't know if they were happy, or sad.

This isn't the kind of love I wanted. I only wanted Marshall Lee.

But this, this is something different.

He pulled away from me. "Don't cry." He whispered, as he kissed my neck."

"Look there's Edward the gay ass Fairy!" I said worriedly.

"I don't care. I love you," He said.

He pushed against the unicorn. And then with all my rage and love, I threw him off the unicorn and I watched him die.

And I screamed. I screamed with all my might.

"There General are you happy! See what the Hell you did!"

The general was there behind me.

"Yes, yes I do." she smiled.

And then I shot myself.

I learned from this.

I love Gumball but I hated him with my whole life too.

I fucking love Marshall Lee's sexy six-pack.

But no matter what you do it all ends up the same.

You're back in hell.

But this time it's with Gumball, and Neil.

They're happy.

And I'm stuck here watching a gay fest.

Why me?

Something inside me rung.

And then a voice inside me it said, "Cause you never made a Porsche that doesn't use Porelli tires."

"Fuck I should have known."

"Damn right you should have." it paused dramatically . . . "Kid you failed."

"General shut the fuck up. I will call the po-lice. I will make this hell fa-bu-lous" When the fuck did I get ghetto?

Cake came and said. "Damn right girl you lernt somethin from ma talkin. Mmm Hmm!'

Fuck yes Cake just made my fucking day.

"Now com'on child we got some Gunter hunting ta do."

Another mission. . .

Great life hates me.

And I could hear Gumball's moans in the background.

And I swear I hear my name once. . .

This is getting weird. . .


	5. Chapter 5

Gunter was lost- the world was about to end.

The most evil thing in the world missing would disrupt this whole God Damn World.

Those mama say mama see musafa mother fuckers right that stole Gunter, shall be in a hell lot of shit once I get to them.

I'm gonna put there sad asses to shame. They better hope that popo doesn't tag along on this one.

Later (after gathering the mother fucking wastes of sex except for all things amazing that is Cake.)

Our gang consisted of:

Gumball of the Gays.

Neil P. Harris: The gayest man on the planet, that is so gay that he decided to animate himself just so he could tag along.

(His animation of choice was a baby carrot version of him . . . which is to large for him._

Cake: The most ghetto thing of all things worthy of being alive.

And me (Fiona): A bad ass adventurer who wear bunny ear hats of doom.

We were traveling up the ice mountain . . . It kind of looked like the world's second largest dick.

(The first largest is Marshall Lee's which is bigger than 214691619 times infinity.)

"I'm going to go now. This mountain is a hell lot' of damn work. I can't get up thing."

Cake left and things god instantly so lame it would cause a derection.

Just then the most horrible thing happened.

I turned and looked at the rest stop.

As I headed that way Gumbutt started following me.

"Fiona where are you going?"

I took in a deep breath trying to say this in the most lady like way possible.

"Can't I get some privacy I gotta go take a piss!"

Afterwards. . .

I couldn't find the two gay asses. Life was terrible who knows how much aids they're gonna be spreading'!

I walked around to see the most horrific thing anyone could ever see.

They were naked wrestling.

I was god damn blind.

They had to carry me up that mountain and life sucked ass.

They were touching me-in ways no gay man should touch my amazing-ness.

It felt cold and I heard Cake's voice and my vision was restored.

"Cake where the hell were ya?"

"Girl, I was getting me some Chick-Fill-a."

"And popo too?"

"Hellz ya popo is here!"

Life was complete at that moment.

I saw Gunter in the hands . . . in the hands of Gumball?

How the hell does that happen?

"Oh Fiona you're here!'

The Gumball took off his suit, and the most amazing thing happened.

Marshall lee was there. He put down Gunter, and magically…his bass appeared.

He began to sing in his goddamn sexy voice that made me orgasm so…

Remember the time we played video games outside,

Or the time that Cake got stuck inside a tree?

Remember, can you try, when I almost nearly died?

Well, without you there I don't know where I'd be

Gimme the liberty

To guess what you mean to me

Fionna

Fionna

You're my girl, you're my broheim

We're tight like girly jeans

Fionna

Fionna

You'll always be my bro

We're FM radio

'Cause like, when you put the first two letters of our names together that's what it spells -

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Then with his amazing powers he shot Gumball and Harris and they died and went to nowhere. . .

LSP showed up and said "OH MY GLOB THIS IS SO GOING ON YOUTUBE!"

We went into his secret room, and Marshall Lee made sweet love to me.

For once life was complete.

Gunter killed Chuck Norris cause she is more amazing than him.

The only people left in the world were amazing ones.

The next thing that happened under Gunter's rule was that all people had to have I'm Sexy and I Know It on right before they sleep. And damn Gunter in all men's eyes must be sexy and she knows it.

For Gunter's amusement she brought back Gumball from the dead and killed him with a toothpick.

Marhsall Lee and I had the most amazing nights of our lives all because of Gunter.

A picture of Gunter hangs in every room in our house because she deserves it.

Gunter is my God. Anyone who disagrees is a waste of sex.

Gunter is coming for you…next.


End file.
